Today, in general, was not a good day. I woke up for class and was nauseas and shakey and i just didn't feel good in general. I couldn't make myself eat anything. Then in acting we were running around doing these exercises and I got to work on my monolouge but I felt so sick it was hard to transfer my energy into anything productive. Then I didn't get to say goodbye to my boyfriend b/c I went to class and he left for home early.

However, to make up for the crapieness he put a cd and a letter in my mail box. I hate not being able to tell anyone I'm not going to see for long amounts of time goodbye. Then my roommate cleaned up all the dead crickets that she has been killing with my shoes.

There is a quote from Booker T. Washington which states "Few things help an individual more than having responsiblity him and let him know you trust him." Entering into the Texas State theatre I fully expected to be a crew member with the shit jobs and no actual responsiblity. That is not the case. I have helped gather props in all my spare time for the past few weeks and for the rehearsals and run of "Night of The Iguana" I will be in charge of placing, keeping, and organizing all props. This is so much more than I expected in my first weeks here.
I have done props mulitiple times at my high school theatre, but that is a different place from here. I am familiar with those big, black, semi-organzied prop cabinets and the way that department and those directors run things. Here, I know nothing. I am grateful for the opprotunity and the faith that is being put in me, but I have to admit it is a terrifying thing.
After watching the run through of the second act last night I'm not as worried because this really isn't a prop heavy show. That's not to say I'm not worried at all, I'm just more prepared and a little more confident I can handle this. I know I can get through this. I can get through anything thrown at me, but I want to enjoy it and take something out of the experience in the end. I don't want to simply 'get throught it.'

I just got a phone call from a "Welcome Bobcats" program. I have been in school for a month now and they are calling to welcome me to school. They asked if I had any questions or needed help with anything.
If I needed help they would be really late. Why would you call after a month of school? If someone needs help adjusting, finding classes, or getting used to college life as they said their intention was I think calling after I've been here for four weeks is a little pointless.
On another note, I'm going home this weekend. I am so excited to see my family and friends from home. I have so many things planned I'm not sure if I'm going to get through them all.

i want to ACT!

The theatre is my life. There are so many things that I can connect it to. It's where I've grown up, it's the only thing that I think I might, kind of have a chance in. I was in advanced acting classes for four years. These classes were looked upon as college prep classes. Now, I am in a beginning acting class. It is ridiculous. I don't want to act for a living, but this is driving me crazy! I understand people don't know as much about the theatre or acting as I do, and that's not to say that I know everything or even a lot. I do know what I'm talking about though. It is so frusterating to have a teacher tell me I shouldn't do a monolouge because the character is too old for me. That is why we call this acting! It would be different if the character was 60 and I had very little training. However, this is not the case. The charcter is about 15 years older, which yes that is a lot, but I have read the script multiple times. I understand what is required of me. It is ridiculous to be told I shouldn't take the challenge just because it will be hard. Isn't there a quote out there that says "if it's not hard it's not worth doing." There is. I know there is because it's in my book of quotes.
I don't want to sit in an acting class and not challenge myself. I want to make a character choice and it either be so amazing that I blow everyone away or so wrong that I fall flat on my face. I do not want to do anything in the middle though and I don't want to do something easy.

Splat. Sprinkle. Splat. The rain kept falling in big then small drops onto me and my pizza box. My friends and I were eating lunch outside in the rain. There was no other place to sit and it wasn't pouring. However, we sat under a tree. This gave us sprinkles of rain with big collective drops onto our heads and food. It was a time to think up all the good reasons to start keeping microwavable meals in my dorm room.

Coloring

I have spent the last 2 hours or so coloring and decorating a plate. I am pledging Alpha Psi Omega, the theatre community service honor fraternity. In order to pledge we have to decorate a plate and then present them at tomorrow night's meeting. I hate talking in front of people. Especially standing up and having people look at me and knowing someone is going to pick me to be their little for the next two months. I am a little excited though. I have decorated my plate and like many other things I decorate or create, it started out looking very bad and then I continued adding until it looked like me. It reminds me of everything that I am, which was the point.
I am really excited about this school year. I am getting involved in everything. Which is something I never had time to do in high school. In high school I was so involved in the theatre that I never had time for anything else. I was at the theatre every day until 5:00 or 5:30 and then I would go home and do homework. If a show was about to start I might not leave until 10 or 11. Here the shop closes at 5:00 and that's it. So with all the extra time I will have I will be joining APO, working on the various shows (I am doing props for "The Night of The Iguana" and costumes for "Rocky"), in the American Sign Langauge Club, learning sign language, and I'm going to be invloved in the hall government for my dorm. Before school started I was excited, but worried about what lied ahead. I didn't know what was going to happen and I was worried that maybe I had made the wrong decision. Now I know that this was the best decision I ever made. I am so happy here and everything just seems amazing. I don't know what else could make it better. I'm even enjoying classes... so far anyways. I have great expectations for this year.

Happiness

It's amazing at what little it takes to make a person's day. In the space of about 30 seconds I went from a fairly boring, average day to giggling like a five year old out of pure joy. It was a song that a boy told me to look up and listen to. Now granted, this isn't just any boy we are talking about. I am pretty much head over heels for this boy. This feeling is crazy. I don't act like a giggly little girl normally. I think i will let it take over for now though. I am aware that the people reading this probably don't care about this at all... however, I'm having problems thinking about anything else. That is all for now. Good night.

passenger seat

Have you ever sat in the passenger seat of a car and watched other people in their cars? I love it! People crack me up. In general they are very amusing when they don't realize they are being watched. This may seem slightly stalkerish, but I assure you it isn't. I started watching random people for acting classes. People have random mannerisms they don't realize exist and characters need to have those also. I am not an actor, but I continue to watch people because when you think about it everyone you meet affects your life in some way. This was pointed out to me when I read The Five People You Meet In Heaven. I love this book. It simply proves that everyone affects you in some way. For example, you may not say more than 5 words to the lady in the Maui Taco line when you get lunch but she affects your life. She keeps you from starving. That is important.