Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving break in general was good. I saw old friends, hung out with family, and ate way too much food. However, I spent so much time with friends and family and pushed back my homework (i.e. english paper) until the very last minute. It's a rather bad paper at this point... that's going to be worked on later today. Break was a lot of fun though. I ate way too much food, that part wasn't fun. It was nice to see my family together. We played Dinsey Scene It. That game is oodles of fun. I won. My dad got mad. It was great.

My mom, of course, is worried about me. I understand why, but nothing is going to change. Every time I talk to her she tells me I need to take better care of myself and to make more time for myself. I have plenty of time for myself... it's just with other people doing, normally doing things for other people. This concerns her. She thinks I need to have time to myself, where I sit and relax. There is not enough hours in the day for something like that and even if there were I wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't do well just sitting for long amounts of time. Besides the fact that she is just as bad as me and really has no right to tell me I need to take better care of myself. She is just as bad as I am.

Thursday we drove to Plano to have thanksgiving with family friends and Friday we drove back home. We stopped in Fairfield to have lunch with Bret. When he said Fairfield was small he didn't lie. We ate a Ponte's diner. It was really good and a cute little place. Some crazy, hick customers, but we were able to ignore them.

Pirates

Friday night I went out with a bunch of friends. Colin came with us and we were all running around having a good time. When Colin was dropping me off at the dorm he said he had a present for me. He pulls a little bag out of the glove compartment. In it was this black and white pirate sticker. I love pirates! I was so excited because that wasn't something he had to do. I don't know why he bought that for me, it was random and sweet. He is awesome. He is the type of guy that would come over and make me chickent soup if I was sick.

I don't understand how Manda could have a problem with him when he does things like that. There is no reason for her to not trust him. I understand that she is worried about me, but she's going to have to let me figure this out for myself.

sleep or lack thereof

Bret is quickly becoming one of my best friends here at Texas State. Last night I went over to his room to do hw and watch a movie. Then I went back to my room. We were talking over aim and discussing how hungry I was. He told me I needed to eat. The only thing in my dorm though are stale wheat thins. So he says "come over and eat some ramen."

This is a bad idea. It is 12:30 am when this statement is made. It is freezing outside. I don't want to go across the street to eat ramen noodles when I could easily go to sleep and forget I'm hungry. I explain all this and he simply states "c'mon. it's the college kid thing to do." So what do I do? I put on two sweaters and walk across the street to Retama. We make ramen and we sit in the lobby for a couple of hours. He sort of worked on bio and I distracted him as we talked about all sorts of random stuff.

Around 3am we remember he needs to do his laundry. So we go up to his room and sort his laundry, as quietly as possible so as not to wake his deaf roommate. That's right, DEAF roommate. We are tip-toeing around the room and whispering... because that's how we roll.

After Bret spends a good several minutes sorting his laundry we go downstairs and sit in the laundry room discussing life, books, random shit. It was exciting. It's a college kid thing.

I finally went to sleep at 5:30 this morning and then woke up at 10:45 for my 11 o'clock class. Go me. Then today, as with every other day this week, I went to class and was going non-stop from class to meeting and this and that and then Rocky and then to study... however I get a phone call saying I should go watch a movie instead of studying. Because I'm a good student I say no, but then I'm told I shouldn't be lame and I should go be a college kid.... How do I respond to this? I go out there and am a college kid.

So here it is... almost 2 am and I still haven't really studied for my math test and have probably gotten less than 25 hours of sleep in the past week. I guess it's a good thing I am so busy...other wise I might realize how tired I am and stop enjoying the college kid thing.

I'm actually going to go study now...

Tonight I went on a date. It was simple and nice and so much fun. We went to go see Last Kiss. It was a good movie but it was so depressing. A very bad date movie. The whole movie is about relationships falling apart. In the end they do resolve themselves and everyone is happy, but until the end it's so sad and everyone hates everyone and you pretty much have no hope. I did get a new quote out of it though: "You can't fail if you never give up."
I thought that was a very interesting way of looking at a situation. People are always afraid of failing, but if you never stop trying then you'll never fail. That is a very good quote for me because I am terrified of doing badly with everything. I am a theatre major... it won't be as hard for me to find work as an actor but I will still get turned away from jobs. I can't ever give up looking though because then I will fail. I don't want that.
After the movie we walked around campus and back to the dorm and sat on the swing and talked for a couple of hours. One of the things we talked about was what we are going to do with our lives after college. We are getting theatre degrees... which pretty much means we won't have jobs after college. We'll save that discussion for another post though.

Friday Fun

This has been a great weekend. On Friday Amanda got here and we were going none stop all day long. When she arrived I was in rehearsal for a directing 1 scene. She finally found her way to the room and sat and watched until 3:30 when I had to leave to go meet Tracy, Bret, and Micheal for a photoshoot for Tracy's photography project.

The photo shoot was a lot of fun. Tracy is deaf so I got to practice sign some. I have a really hard time reading her so it was hard but I understood most of what she said. The imortant stuff anyways. The theme of her photos was rock, paper, sissors. I was paper so she took pictures of me making the ASL sign for paper. She took it several different ways. With my face half in dark and half in light, things like that. Then she wanted pictures with me facing Bret. First of all I can't look at Bret for an extended period of time without laughing. I just can't do it, so it was a test of will power. Plus he is a foot taller than me. So I was on my knees on a chair (I now have bruises on my legs from the chair digging into my shins). Then I had to sit indian style on a table so she could get the shots of Micheal and me. Then I was done.That took until 5:15 and then I had to walk from the photography building back to Laurel and get all whored up for Rocky... again.

I managed to make it to the theatre only 5 minutes late. Selling tickets (even though it was Friday) wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. I was taking pictures and selling tickets until 7:30. At that point I had to run into the theatre and get Adele's stuff out of my bag and run it back to her then sit down before the show started. The show was amazing yet again. I loved it. Afterwards we were all starving though so we went to Taco C. and then to the Hookah bar.

I love the hookah bar. It had been a very long week so it was nice to sit and relax with some of my best friends from around here and Amanda who I had missed so much. We got some crazy looks from people though as we were all in our Rocky attire still. It was a great night. We didn't leave the hookah bar until at least 12:30 or 1. We still didn't get to sleep until 3 or 4 though because we went to Colin's apartment and watched other people make fools of themselves.

ROCKY HORROR!!!!

Today after my intro to fine arts class I rushed from place to place. I was going to go vote but didn't have time because I had classes all day and then after my last class I thought I had to work in the box office. I was wrong, so instead I had Kris run me to Target. We were looking for fish net stockings and a black short skirt for rocky. I was selling tickets and I wanted to dress up. They had NO fishnets so I called Lara and we ran to her apartment and I got hers. I then went back to my dorm and in less than half an hour I showered, got dressed and did my make up. I wore the fishnets, REALLY short red shorts, black heels, and a little bitty black tank top. I felt so naked.

I was walking out of the dorm at 6 when I realized it was still light outside and I did NOT want people to see me like that. So I ran back in and put on a pair of jeans over the shorts and tights. I ran to the theatre where a few other people were ready for the show. I love seeing the straightest guys in the entire world dressed in drag...

The show was amazing. There were a few tech problems that I noticed, but it was still outstanding. The live version is so much better than the movie. I had never got to see it live so I really enjoyed it. We had so much fun during the time warp and then yelling out the random audience lines. It was amazing. The costumes were brilliant. The energy was great. It was a great night. During intermission I went to see if Colin was still working in the editing lab. I walked in and there was a group of people besides Colin working on something. They all looked at me and just stared. Colin was staring too, but I was ok with that. I didn't know these other people. He came with me to see the second act, which was just as great as the first. Then afterwards we all went to IHOP. I got more looks and girls actually pointing and laughing at me there. They were not very nice. I decided to put my jeans back on after that. All in all it was a great night though.

movie nights

Tonight after my APO meeting Lara came up with the brilliant idea to have a movie night. After contemplating the homework that needed to get done I decided it was completely do-able. We went to Jaclyn's apt and made bags for "Rocky". We watched she's the man, eruo-trip, and ella enchanted. I had never seen Eruo-trip. It was so much fun. I love movies. I never get to watch movies because I'm always running around doing other things.

Not only did I get to sit and watch three completely random movies but I got to hang out with theatre friends that I don't normally see. I love how the most random and unplanned things bring people together. We were throwing things and snacking on gushers, it was amazing. At one point Lara and I were wrapped in toliet paper by Colin and Steven. Then before we could break apart they tackled us. It was great.

I think it was decided we are going to have another movie night on Thursday. I can't wait.

Friday Fun

Friday night I went on a scavenger hunt. There were clues for us posted through out San Marcos. A friend of mine, Sam, was driving us to find these multiple clues. We were going to the stadium to look for a clue over there...Sam didn't know where bobcat stadium was. He says "I hate football". Then right after this statement we see flashing lights. He is being pulled over. He pulls into the staduim parking lot and the officer comes up to the door and asks if everything was ok. He pulled us over because Sam was driving too slowly!!!!! Seriously! The worst part is the cop wasn't being ridiculous at all. Sam was going 20 in a 35. Who does that? Then the cop asked why he was driving so slowly. Sam said becuse he was looking for the stadium and didn't know where it was... WE WERE SITTING IN THE STADIUM PARKING LOT! The cop thought he was crazy. Sam had to get out of the car and the cop was talking to him. Finally the cop came up to my door and asked what was going on because Sam's story wasn't making any sense whatsoever. So I had to explain that we were going on a scavenger hunt and Sam had never been to the stadium and he thought we were talking about strahan... The whole event was ridiculous and I'm pretty sure we made fun of Sam for it for the next several hours.

drunk people

Last night/ early this morning I was in my room studying for my math test (which I think I did rather well on). I hear male voices outside my door. I check the clock on my laptop. 2:20 am. We have visiting hours in our dorm and then end and midnight on week nights. I don't care that they are talking because I simply put my headphones on and listen to music to block it out while studying. However, my roommate, who was still awake from the Monster she had earlier, heard every word they said and was laughing rather hard. I look over at her. She looked rather ridicuolus because she was attempting to laugh and not make any noise because she didn't want them to hear her. I turned off the music and start listening.

The story as I gathered is this: Two girls in a room somewhere near my room went to a party last night and got smashed. One of the roomates, we will call her A, locked her keys in the car. The other roommate, we will call her B, was angry at A for doing this. The two guys that were with them were trying to help them into their rooms so they could sober up. Not having a key complicates things though. They had to wake up the RA on call and have her get the extra key. They got into their room and one of them started throwing up and then immediatly said she wanted to go back to the party. It was ridiculous.

So because I was listening to this rather amusing incident I was not studying. Therefore once it quieted down I got back to the studying and went to sleep around 3 or 3:15. Woke up at 7:30 and went to english at 8:00. What a fun night. The moral of this story is simple. If you're going to get drunk and be stupid in the hallway of a dorm, remember that the walls are like paper and by morning everyone will know what happened.

I love my friends and family. It makes me happy at how supportive and caring they are for me and right now, as annoying as they maybe, I'm glad to know I have people there for me. At the same time, however, it's driving me crazy to be asked several times a day "how are you"?

My friends from home mean the world to me. I can't even begin to describe how badly I want to see Amanda, Ashlee, and Lindsey right now. I would do anything to spend some time with them right now. I don't need people taking care of me and asking me if I'm ok. I need people who know me and understand what I want without me having to say anything.

ugh... I think the weather is making me feel depressed. It's just been an awkward day. I went back to my room after class and slept for a few hours. I don't take naps normally, it makes me feel lazy. I need to go do something productive. Sitting here in my room is going to drive me crazy.

Hide and Go Seek

If you are ever seriously bored and in need of some serious fun go through you're phone call everyone you can in a ten minute time period and invite them all to go play hide and go seek in the quad at 9:00 at night. It cures a bad or bored night almost instantly.

This weekend hasn't been bad... I've kept myself as busy as possible. However, I have had more people call me or hug me and ask how I am doing (or some version of "How are you doing?") more times than I want to think about it and I am sick of that damn question. I'm fine. I got so fed up with the questions that I posted as my status on facebook "Erin is sick of people asking how she is. She is fine. Stop asking. Thank you." I love that my friends care about me, but really, I can take care of myelf.

So to finish the original story: Hide and Go Seek. It was so much fun. America, Katie, and I took out our phones and went down the list of people we knew in San Marcos. We met 6 or 7 people in the quad and played three or four games. It was great. You can't go past the math building or old main. It's hard to find really good spots but it's possible... but watch out for cats and possums. There was one that I thought might eat me. It was huge!

Hide and go seek is fun and should be played way more often.

Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I love quotes. I have a book of quotes that I am always adding to. I have certian quotes that just explain how I feel when I can't find the words. The quote at top is how I feel right now...Love is too strong a word, but it gets the point across. I told him he needed to do what is best for him... God, those words were hard to say. It seems so silly for me to be so upset. I've known him for (how long have we been in school?) 2 months?
I see him 4 days out of the week, if I want to or not, I see him. He is in my acting class, he is pledging APO with me, and he's VP of ASLC. And I am NOT changing my life so I can avoid something that is unpleasant or difficult. I'm not going to not be his friend, because I'm not mad at him. I understand why he had to do this, we are here, at Texas State, to get an education. That's what we both need to focus on. And if it were anyone else saying this I would think it was a load of shit. But this is the kind of person he is, he is responsible and smart. That's why I like him.
He told me he didn't like seeing the people he cared about upset and he hugged me... I don't know if I'm glad or if it just made it worse. I don't want to face our friends and have to have them ask questions and answer their questions... Whatever. I'm going to sleep and maybe it'll be better in the morning... if nothing else I have chocolate cake in the fridge. I'm in college now, I can totally eat chocolate cake for breakfast.

Food

Food is a very important part of everyday life. You must eat it to survive, yet it seems as though people are always refraining for this diet or that diet. I have had food on my mind all day. I didn't eat a big lunch and by the time I got to eat dinner at 8 I thought I was going to die. I love college and college life but I miss my mom's cooking so much.

Instead of making a christmas list right now, I am making a list of food I want to eat when I come home for christmas. I want Taco Soup. I love my mom's taco soup. It has beans and vegatables and hamburger meat with spicy taco seasoning. I also would love to have her Italtian sausage and peppers. I love that dish. It's pretty much a party in you're mouth. And then there's the gumbo. I love gumbo... but her gumbo. It is amazing. She makes the roux from scratch and pretty much spends hours making the gumbo. It is pure happiness.

I think the worst thing about these dorms that we are forced to live in are the kitchens. I want to cook good food, but this is made difficult by the smallness of the kitchen and the lack of supplies in it. Not to mention the fact that if I were to start cooking I have no idea where I would put the food. I mean I doubt there would be leftovers because let's face it, if there is good food within a 5 mile radius of the girls in my dorm, it will be gone within minutes. Maybe this weekend I'll have Bret drive me to the store and I'll cook for the ASLC kids and we can eat after the homecoming game...It's an idea.

Math test

Mr. H - Thank you so much for telling me to leave.

Wow... the test was not bad. Between the test and english I devoured a bad of chips because food wakes me up and if I'm hungry I won't focus. When I went to take the test the first 8 or 9 problems were a breeze and becaue they were so easy I was worried that I did something wrong, but I looked back and there was nothing else I could have done. I looked over the last part of the test and found a mixture problem, which I did right away because I know how to do those and time was running out. I was left with problems 10, 11 and 13. I had 10 minutes left and once I understood what 10 was asking it was fine and 11 I was able to figure out on the calculator. I had no idea how to do 13. I remembered looking at the problem last night (actually it was this morning at 2) with Jessica, but I could not for the life of me figure out how to set it up. I just bubbled in a random number because time was up and I didn't know what else to do. Jessica worked it out later and I picked the wrong letter. So after reviewing the test with Jessica at breakfast I think I missed three. We'll see though. I hate making bad grades.
Now it's time for a much needed weekend. My classes are over for the day, the cast party for Iguana is tonight, and my parents are coming in to meet my boyfriend and see the show tomorrow. It's gonna be a great weekend.

Night of the Iguana is going amazingly well... except that it seems like I've spent more time working on it now that it's running than I did preping for it. Yet, I've managed to also spend more time with my boyfriend, talke to my mom at several different ponts, e-mail several people and get more things accomplished. All in all it is 12:30 am, I have been back from the theatre for a total of 15 minutes and I have a math test to study for tomorrow. I don't have time to study because if I study and don't sleep it might actually be worse than me sleeping and not studying. I've decided life would be perfect if I didn't have to do classes like math or english (sorry Mr. H) or the things I don't give a shit about really... Let me do theatre for 8 hours a day and I will be content and learn the things I'm interested about. I am tired and not sure what the point of this post is besides the fact that it is indeed a post and taking care of my writing requirements for the next class that I haven't had time to do.

creepy guys

I don't know what it is, but there is something about us - my best friends and I - that attracts creepy guys. We don't really mind because it always ends up being a good laugh, but it's still weird when it happens. For instance, one night last summer we were driving through The Woodlands to go home from a movie. We are in Ashlee's mustang so we are driving with the window's down and the music up. This suv pulls up next to us and these guys stick their head out the window (while driving) and say "Hey! Do you want to get out of your car and into ours?" We have never seen these guys and we never will again. It was just one of the many incidents that happen to us surprisingly often.

Everyone is at Kris' apartment and we sit and decide what we want to do. We have to watch Clue at some point because I've wanted to watch it for the past three weeks. We order pizza and sit and talk for a while. After a while Davila asks where he is. Not here, at home with family. Just thinking about him makes me smile. I can't stop, why can't I stop smiling. It's ridiculous really, to smile like this at the thought of a person. One human being. Davila thinks it's adorable how much I like him. I think it's funny how much one person can affect your life. I don't mean someone you are attracted to necessarily, everyone you come in contact with effects you.
I've been effected by him because I am now reading books I wouldn't have been interested in before, I'm actually learning sign language instead of just saying I want to. Because he affected me in this way, I'm affecting others, Katie is learning with me. I have started signing as I talk just to practice, which creates conversation, and sometimes confusion, with other people.
People change you without you knowing it all the time. I like the changes that are happening.

Today, in general, was not a good day. I woke up for class and was nauseas and shakey and i just didn't feel good in general. I couldn't make myself eat anything. Then in acting we were running around doing these exercises and I got to work on my monolouge but I felt so sick it was hard to transfer my energy into anything productive. Then I didn't get to say goodbye to my boyfriend b/c I went to class and he left for home early.

However, to make up for the crapieness he put a cd and a letter in my mail box. I hate not being able to tell anyone I'm not going to see for long amounts of time goodbye. Then my roommate cleaned up all the dead crickets that she has been killing with my shoes.

There is a quote from Booker T. Washington which states "Few things help an individual more than having responsiblity him and let him know you trust him." Entering into the Texas State theatre I fully expected to be a crew member with the shit jobs and no actual responsiblity. That is not the case. I have helped gather props in all my spare time for the past few weeks and for the rehearsals and run of "Night of The Iguana" I will be in charge of placing, keeping, and organizing all props. This is so much more than I expected in my first weeks here.
I have done props mulitiple times at my high school theatre, but that is a different place from here. I am familiar with those big, black, semi-organzied prop cabinets and the way that department and those directors run things. Here, I know nothing. I am grateful for the opprotunity and the faith that is being put in me, but I have to admit it is a terrifying thing.
After watching the run through of the second act last night I'm not as worried because this really isn't a prop heavy show. That's not to say I'm not worried at all, I'm just more prepared and a little more confident I can handle this. I know I can get through this. I can get through anything thrown at me, but I want to enjoy it and take something out of the experience in the end. I don't want to simply 'get throught it.'

I just got a phone call from a "Welcome Bobcats" program. I have been in school for a month now and they are calling to welcome me to school. They asked if I had any questions or needed help with anything.
If I needed help they would be really late. Why would you call after a month of school? If someone needs help adjusting, finding classes, or getting used to college life as they said their intention was I think calling after I've been here for four weeks is a little pointless.
On another note, I'm going home this weekend. I am so excited to see my family and friends from home. I have so many things planned I'm not sure if I'm going to get through them all.

i want to ACT!

The theatre is my life. There are so many things that I can connect it to. It's where I've grown up, it's the only thing that I think I might, kind of have a chance in. I was in advanced acting classes for four years. These classes were looked upon as college prep classes. Now, I am in a beginning acting class. It is ridiculous. I don't want to act for a living, but this is driving me crazy! I understand people don't know as much about the theatre or acting as I do, and that's not to say that I know everything or even a lot. I do know what I'm talking about though. It is so frusterating to have a teacher tell me I shouldn't do a monolouge because the character is too old for me. That is why we call this acting! It would be different if the character was 60 and I had very little training. However, this is not the case. The charcter is about 15 years older, which yes that is a lot, but I have read the script multiple times. I understand what is required of me. It is ridiculous to be told I shouldn't take the challenge just because it will be hard. Isn't there a quote out there that says "if it's not hard it's not worth doing." There is. I know there is because it's in my book of quotes.
I don't want to sit in an acting class and not challenge myself. I want to make a character choice and it either be so amazing that I blow everyone away or so wrong that I fall flat on my face. I do not want to do anything in the middle though and I don't want to do something easy.

Splat. Sprinkle. Splat. The rain kept falling in big then small drops onto me and my pizza box. My friends and I were eating lunch outside in the rain. There was no other place to sit and it wasn't pouring. However, we sat under a tree. This gave us sprinkles of rain with big collective drops onto our heads and food. It was a time to think up all the good reasons to start keeping microwavable meals in my dorm room.

Coloring

I have spent the last 2 hours or so coloring and decorating a plate. I am pledging Alpha Psi Omega, the theatre community service honor fraternity. In order to pledge we have to decorate a plate and then present them at tomorrow night's meeting. I hate talking in front of people. Especially standing up and having people look at me and knowing someone is going to pick me to be their little for the next two months. I am a little excited though. I have decorated my plate and like many other things I decorate or create, it started out looking very bad and then I continued adding until it looked like me. It reminds me of everything that I am, which was the point.
I am really excited about this school year. I am getting involved in everything. Which is something I never had time to do in high school. In high school I was so involved in the theatre that I never had time for anything else. I was at the theatre every day until 5:00 or 5:30 and then I would go home and do homework. If a show was about to start I might not leave until 10 or 11. Here the shop closes at 5:00 and that's it. So with all the extra time I will have I will be joining APO, working on the various shows (I am doing props for "The Night of The Iguana" and costumes for "Rocky"), in the American Sign Langauge Club, learning sign language, and I'm going to be invloved in the hall government for my dorm. Before school started I was excited, but worried about what lied ahead. I didn't know what was going to happen and I was worried that maybe I had made the wrong decision. Now I know that this was the best decision I ever made. I am so happy here and everything just seems amazing. I don't know what else could make it better. I'm even enjoying classes... so far anyways. I have great expectations for this year.

Happiness

It's amazing at what little it takes to make a person's day. In the space of about 30 seconds I went from a fairly boring, average day to giggling like a five year old out of pure joy. It was a song that a boy told me to look up and listen to. Now granted, this isn't just any boy we are talking about. I am pretty much head over heels for this boy. This feeling is crazy. I don't act like a giggly little girl normally. I think i will let it take over for now though. I am aware that the people reading this probably don't care about this at all... however, I'm having problems thinking about anything else. That is all for now. Good night.

passenger seat

Have you ever sat in the passenger seat of a car and watched other people in their cars? I love it! People crack me up. In general they are very amusing when they don't realize they are being watched. This may seem slightly stalkerish, but I assure you it isn't. I started watching random people for acting classes. People have random mannerisms they don't realize exist and characters need to have those also. I am not an actor, but I continue to watch people because when you think about it everyone you meet affects your life in some way. This was pointed out to me when I read The Five People You Meet In Heaven. I love this book. It simply proves that everyone affects you in some way. For example, you may not say more than 5 words to the lady in the Maui Taco line when you get lunch but she affects your life. She keeps you from starving. That is important.